(These are Days 6, 7 and 8 from The Barely Legible and Slightly Bloody Diary of Foxy Foxster on Eulora – you can find previous days with lemonade, flotsam and horribly bad Maths.)

Day 6 - Can You Fly to the Moon Riding on the Samovar?

Making a samovar on Eulora is quite the state-of-the-art in the bunch-of-chairs-for-the-head crafting: by the time you have the bloody hissing thing, you shaved a ton of barkings (or barked a ton of shavings, what was it?), fashioned slag to be both pointy and flat (possibly also pointy-flat and flatty-point as well as flatypus or platypus) and destroyed a small pile of toolkits, chairs for the head¹, keyboards and possibly mice. But all is well when you add disgusting goop, for you got a brand new and shiny samovar! Which is also multifunctional! A kind of iSamovar I suppose, since it surely makes a lot of things you never thought you needed on Eulora (even toothpaste!), except tea, of course.

So having spent a few hours to make my iSamovar, I barely got to use it for making a batch of toothpaste, when the party was on. All those people dragging bandar toolkits and stone pickaxes, while I was wearing a kilt of rickety reeds and holding toothpaste.... Still, I hid the toothpaste and got my Samovar blessed instead. Now it's blessedly multifunctional, so it's surely not too much to ask to be able to ride on it all the way to the moon, is it?

Day 7 - Foxy's Legendary Boulders (and Legendary-to-be Shop)

Having established that the Samovar is mainly good for toothpaste and the toothpaste is mainly not good for anything, I chucked all of them into storage and I went digging in the bushes around instead. It's always far better to dig in someone else's bushes, especially if you have a stone pickaxe and a rather high skill at what you're doing (some say it's looting but shhhh). I sincerely did not have big hopes for it, since I had dug in the same bushed before without much to show for it other than bloody hands and a few deaths.

Still, mining is business I heard and business is business, especially in the bushes. So I paid through the nose for slithy toves, polished small stones and three pointed thorns, after which I mixed the whole lot up and looked away. When I got back, I was under a pile of boulders. More precisely 15835 of them! Quite the find, quite the pile of money, so no, I'll not complain about it. Whoever is with too much money, let them throw first the ton of boulders at me, or how was it?

After such success, the next mining was of course a total flop and therefore I moved onto other things. More precisely, I decided that mining-business is business but not exactly my business or for-this-very-moment-business and so I started...business. That's how Foxy's Useful Items shop was born, selling very useful items indeed, such as ready-made high quality Bandar Toolkits, the ever-needed-in-the-ton-for-the-samovar-and-bottles Indistinct Bark Shavings as well as Chairs for the Head. Plus pretty much everything else, if you just ask for it. And pay, of course. Did I forget to say it was a business?

Day 8 - Did We Invent Teleportation Yet (with a Samovar)?

As you can probably tell by now, the Samovar is nagging at me. The call of the Samovar is strong on Eulora, especially after having visited relatives who actually have not fewer than 3 actual, real, functioning samovars. Plus a normal modern kettle that they actually use for tea. You see, all samovars are multifunctional it seems, since a very traditional shiny samovar is used mainly as coin-holder and piggy bank, another strange-looking dwarfish samovar is used as ornament and a third kitschy shiny plastic oriental samovar is used mainly for... taking up space? I don't know, I should ask next time. Nevermind, going back to my own samovars which unfortunately are not useful for teleporting. Damn.

Undetered by the weaknesses and lackings of my samovars, I started rummaging around in the client's code instead, where things truly are more disgusting than any Eulorian Goops, more useless than local toothpaste and possibly, occasionally, more demeaning than any Hoof Gloves and Urabihs harnesses. Still, not as incomprehensible as a Chair for the Head I guess. And lo and behold, in almost as little as it took me to make that blessed iSamovar in game, I could actually make the unblessed, unapproved, frown upon and soon-to-be-axed change to the client so that I can ...teleport! Anywhere, even to the moon, even under the island (no, there are no elephants and no tortoises there, sorry), even under the craft table. Here are some photos for you:

1. better known as head-stools for otherwise an oh so important shade of.. brown is surely lost. Please don't lose it here, please. ↩

Category: Eulora

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